Wednesday, July 15, 2009
In August of 2005, God laid it on my heart that I was to lead in women's ministry. I laughed like Elizabeth when she was told she going to have a child at her elderly age. I didn't laugh because I didn't think it wouldn't happen. I laughed because I thought God could not have chosen a woman who was more out of her element when she was around women than me, but I accepted it and continued on my way. Over the next year, God dealt with me on several issues. First was my identity. My identity was like most men, it was tied into my career. I investigate insurance fraud for an insurance company and have enjoyed it for 12 1/2 years. When I started I was one of very few women, and I was definitely the youngest, and that is how I liked it. I work with all levels of law enforcement from sheriffs to the FBI, state troopers to federal prosecutors. People I investigate have set their homes or cars on fire, staged accidents, and I've investigated medical provider fraud. I get great satisfaction in my job and enjoy the reaction I get when I tell people what I do. I had to travel to Arkansas for an early morning meeting, so I spent the night. I enjoy these times -- having a hotel room by myself is good mental health time. Most of the time, I do a facial, manicure, pedicure, read, listen to the quiet, etc. This trip would be different because this is when the Holy Spirit convicted me of where I got my value. He impressed upon me that my career could be gone the next day, but my value wouldn't. My value is in HIM, my Creator, the lover of my soul. The one who took His time to knit me in my mother's womb, who knows the number of hair on my head, and who has ordained my days -- He's the one in whom I have my value. It was so incredibly humbling. I kept feeling the Holy Spirit pressing on the back of my head as I repented. He led me to ask Mrs. Julie to be my mentor. I only knew Mrs. Julie by name, but I obeyed.
I told Mrs. Julie how the Holy Spirit had led me to ask her to be my mentor, but I didn't know why. I explained to her what I had learned during my overnight stay, and she understood why I was being led to her. She told me her testimony, and it amazed me. People don't surprise me much anymore, but God always can.
In 2006, I asked God to take my spiritual gift away from me. He gave me the gift that some call prophecy, some call discernment, but He would wake me at 3 AM in the morning and I would grab my Bible and notebook, pen and paper and go to the den and settle into the recliner for however long it took. He would impress messages on me to give to other people. Often times they didn't make a lot of sense to me, and sometimes it put me into some very uncomfortable positions. It was physically draining and exhausting. What I wanted was to be a cheerleader, an encourager...little did I know I would learn about that in 2007. By the end of 2006, I had to confess and repent again to God and asked Him to restore His touch, His gift to me.
In 2007, my world came to a drastic halt when my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. My family retreated into itself just to survive. God was so gracious and merciful. We did more than we survive, we thrived. My mentor, Mrs. Julie told me she was my age when her mother was diagnosed with cancer...Isn't that just like God to give me a mentor ahead of time who would walk with me through this valley? That year we learned so much, and my family's border was extended.
In 2008, we were coming out of our fog of a world, and God again began working on me and my marriage. He also started leading me to start asking for a women's ministry in my church reminding me of what He had impressed upon me in 2005. So, when He led me, I pushed for it, and when He didn't, I stopped. This would go off and on throughout 2008.
It's July 2009, and I had our first women's ministry team meeting last Sunday. It's not going to be anything like these women have known. It dawned on me as I was listening to the women on the team talk that most of them had small town ties and how comfortable that can feel. That is what we are wanting to instill in this women's ministry. Women touching the hearts of other women, making the connection personal and long-standing.
I still have my job as a fraud investigator, and maybe some day I'll be able to do women's ministry full-time, but right now from where I'm sitting things are great. God is in control. He is bringing His women He chooses into this ministry and putting us together like a beautiful tapestry. I am eagerly anticipating the birth of this ministry as this is just the beginning of the heavy labor.
I praise you Most Wonderful, Excellent, Heavenly Father. Your creativity and wisdom are unmatched, and I am so thankful your mercies are new every day and that they never run out. Thank you for this opportunity to serve you and the women of my church. Thank you for continuing to mold and make me into the godly woman you desire for me to be. I am so blessed to be your daughter. Amen
Friday, April 3, 2009
We have one more get-together. Monday night we will watching the movie "A Night with the King," Esther's story. Be sure to wear your jammies and house slippers or something very comfortable. Also, bring a bag of popcorn or what you want to snack on.
We are looking forward to spending one more evening with you all.
Love you all,
PS -- BTW, there will be childcare.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
The late Paul Harvey had a long-running radio program that I loved. He would tell an intriguing story and then just sort of leave the listeners hanging, wondering what in the world was going to happen. There would be, of course, a commercial announcement; then Paul Harvey would return with "The Rest of the Story," telling us how the story turned out. Very often, it was the exact opposite of what we expected.
Have you ever felt that way about your own life? That this was NOT the way you had thought (hoped, dreamed, prayed) it would turn out? As a child, how did you envision yourself as an adult--a teacher, a lawyer, a sales rep? I thought for a long time that I would love to be an architect--design houses for families where they would live "happily ever after." Then I found out that that job required a LOT of math, so I lost interest in that quickly. As a child, our younger daughter was very quiet, very low-key. You can imagine my surprise when one day she announced that she wanted to be a person who picked up garbage every week. As we talked our way through it, I discovered that the idea of riding on the back on the big truck really enticed her. Needless to say, as she grew older and realized that that job had some definite disadvantages (sweat, bad odor, all kinds of weather), she decided that something else might be better for her.
It is so comforting to me to know that God knew even before I was conceived what my life would involve. That really amazes me because I can't always plan the next hour with any certainty of how it will really turn out! But He knew when Esther was born that she would have very little time with her parents before she would become the little Jewish orphan who would be adopted by her cousin. She would travel much of her life because the Jews were often on the move, and she would end up in Susa!! And then as a teenager, she was herded in with hundreds of other beautiful, young virgins who would eventually have to sleep with the king of the Persian Empire. Do you think that's how she had pictured her life?! Now, if she had dreamed of growing up to be a princess, she didn't aim quite high enough, did she?
But God knew exactly where He was taking her, what she would have to go through, and how she would respond. In other words, from the very beginning, He knew the "rest of the story" for Esther. And He knows the "rest of the story" for you and for me. That is really comforting because it assures me that no matter where or in whatever situation I may find myself, He already knows the plan. One of my favorite quotations is, "Do not be afraid of tomorrow. God is already there." And life is so much easier when He's in charge!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I now you like to fish. But please do not take to many fish. Why? Because seals eat fish. And if you take to many the seals won't have ining to eat. And they'll die.
Please help the seals"
My eight year-old daughter found out her daddy was going to be going camping this weekend and fishing with the guys in our Sunday school class, so she gave him this letter Monday night.
This morning, Erin asked her daddy if he was a Christian. He said he was, and she wanted to know when he asked Jesus into his heart. August 1, 1990, was his reply. "Who have you told about Jesus? Who are you witnessing to?" I have to admit I left the room about this time, but I knew that Patrick had taken an opportunity to witness to one of his workers last week. She followed up with the question, "Daddy, are you a missionary?"
I don't recall being concerned about the world around me at eight or the condition of my parents' souls, but my daughter with the gift of mercy is. She is concerned about others which is a wonderful quality to have, and just like most of us, she will have to learn where to draw the line.
There was a recurring theme in our "red book." Women are tired of feeling responsible for everyone else sometimes to the point of being overwhelmed. As women, we are responsible for the primary role in raising our children, but ladies, at some point in time our children will be grown at which time our role will change. There are some that don't make the change well. There are some that don't make the change at all and end up in the middle of their grown children's affairs where they do not belong whether they were invited or not. I know of a grown man whose parents have bailed him out of every fiscally irresponsible thing he has ever done, and he is still making horrible financial decisions. I don't pretend to know where that invisible line is in every relationship. You know the one that separates the actions of a listening and praying parent from the one who is overly involved in a grown child's marriage, finances or child-rearing. I don't know how my mom knew, but I'm thankful she did.
Then there are those of us who are fixers or just want to help. I was in what I called a "friendship," but it grew into something altogether different. I was solving her problems and telling her how to live her life. Beth Moore said having that hero mentality can cause emotional bankruptcy, and she is right. After that relationship ended, it took a long time before I became close friends with another woman. I had crossed the line.
I'm going to talk to you as one girlfriend to another. "If it ain't yo' baby to rock, don't rock it!" Do you know what happens when you start rockin' a baby that isn't yours? It becomes yours, and you keep it till it's complete. Meaning, if you start handling someone else's problems, they become your problems till they are resolved or finished. I have enough issues to deal with. I really don't need to take on someone else's or get into the middle of their business. Ladies, the reason we get overwhelmed with being everything to all people is because we take on responsibilities that are not ours to take on. When we try to be all things to all people, we are taking out the need for Jesus Christ in that person's life. We are attempting to replace God in essence, and that is not Biblical. What if we backed out of meddling in the affairs of others including our grown children, friends, coworkers, family members, and prayed for them instead and did as the Lord led? What do you think would happen? For one, they would survive. Second, instead of relying on you, maybe just maybe they would turn to Christ and rely on Him. Isn't that what we want to do? Point others to Christ.
(Note from Sandra: I love how Beth described us when we're attempting to do things that only He can and should be doing. She said we were trying to be "God Jr."
We don't have to take on every cause that comes across our paths. It's okay to say, "no."
Unlike us, Esther was responsible for saving her race, God's people, but she wasn't doing it alone. God was in control the whole time. Esther was not responsible for the "how" everyone would defend themselves or the "how" each should fight. She was responsible for being obedient to God, and she was. She stood up. She acted. She spoke, and she wrote a new edict, and that is where the line was drawn. Each province and town down to every family had to determine the best defense for themselves. Am I making any sense? Just as God empowered her, she empowered her people, God's people. Are you empowering your people or are you enabling?
Erin started off this week carrying a crusade to save the seals that might eat the fish her daddy might catch in the bayou which is a noble cause, but she got down to the heart of the matter this morning. Let's empower our children, families and friends and encourage them in their spiritual walk, and let's allow Jesus to be responsible for their "hows."
Monday, March 9, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
As a fraud investigator, there are times I have investigated people, known in my gut they have commited fraud, but I can't prove it. We pay the claim. At first, that used to eat me up, tick me off knowing they got off scott free. Ladies, make no mistake, they did not get off scott free. When I realized that God's justice is more powerful and more just, I learned to relinquish that desire to Him. Sometimes I'd have to say out loud, "Okay, God, he/she is all yours."
Sometimes we have to do that with people in our lives who have done us or our family wrong, etc. My husband and I have been dealing with a situation involving some people who have made it their goal to blame their problems on us and have lashed out at Patrick. It is normal for us to want to seek revenge, but that is not biblical (Lev 19:18). So instead, we are praying for them, and they definitely need it. I liked when Beth Moore said that to nurse a grudge is to hold yourself in bondage to that person. Most of the time the one affected by the grudge is only the one who is holding it. How effective is that?
Then there is the other side of the coin. I'm so thrilled when children of God are rewarded for their work, their service, etc. Who couldn't be happy that Mordecai finally got his just rewards? He had been overlooked, his action forgotten. Do you ever feel like you're not seen? Do you ever feel like the work you do is not appreciated? Our focus is not to be on receiving the praise of others even though it does feel nice from time to time. I like Mordecai. He got it. He was humble. He knew his purpose and who he served. I don't know about you but I get tired of my work being taken for granted, especially at home. The past couple of days when I get home from work, my house has been picked up as best as possible, beds have been made, and the laundry has been done. One of the workers repairing my house has been bringing his wife, and when she has nothing to do she cleans. Ladies, I LOVE having my own wife. I fall over myself thanking her and loving on her. Am I alone here? I want gratitude and some contribution from others, but that isn't the example Mordecai gave us, is it? Mordecai continued being faithful at the gate, his area of work and service. God saw him. God knew what he had done. God doesn't forget. When Mordecai is finally recognized for saving the king's life, he meets the fanfare that Haman had desired. Then, Mordecai returns to his work, his area of service. His humility helps him to return to be the faithful, diligent person he was. His example is tough to follow sometimes.
One more thing--aren't you glad that God keeps the score book? And aren't you glad that He has chosen to redeem us because none of us deserves a life in heaven. If we got what we deserved due to our fleshly, sinful nature, we would be going to the pit of hell depths unknown, but while we were yet sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8) and redeemed us. Hallelujah! Thank you, Lord, for the blood and the power of the cross. Instead of us trying to keep score with who has done what and what is owed to us, how about we trust God to keep track and reward us as He sees fit as our Heavenly Father who wants to give us wonderful gifts (James 1:17)? We can save our energy and mindspace for something else more worthy as a daughter of the King.
REMINDER -- Bring a childhood photo of yourself to class this week. Also night class, it's jammie night! WOOHOO!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Usually, when the DVD finishes, everyone is gathering her belongings and chatting with others around her. That morning, instead, there was total silence; no one moved at all. As I walked to the front to dismiss the group, I was unprepared for what I said. Their eyes were huge, and I can't even describe the looks that I saw on their faces. I was so taken aback by those looks that I totally lost my train of thought. All I could think of to say was, "Well, how about that?" Even then, it was several seconds before anyone gathered her wits enough to say simply, "Wow."
Heavy, heavy, heavy! But it was so basic, basic, basic! How could we have missed something so basic for so long? I've been a Christian a long time, and I've never heard the topic of fear taught as it was taught in that session. As Beth Moore pointed out, we all have our own private fears. "What if----?" Usually when we say that, we are referring to something we fear, so Beth suggested that we remember that the "if" stands for "I Fear." We've all heard that most of the things that we fear never happen; they are just "False Evidence Appearing Real." So we're wasting a lot of time, mental energy, etc. on something that may never happen. I love, love, love how Beth led us through the worst possible scenarios and showed us how we as Christians can survive even our worst fears--the death of a child or spouse, the pregnant 15-year-old daughter, the terrible health diagnosis, a tornado demolishing a home, whatever. We can handle it! Philippians 4:13 promises us that! It doesn't promise that it's going to be easy or fun, but we can get through it!
In thinking about those things, we all are prone to think, "If ----, I couldn't stand it. I would just die." That is a point of weakness in our faith, and Satan will focus in on that issue to break down our trust in God. But if we face life truly trusting that: 1) God loves us, 2) God knows what is best for us, and 3) He is able to do anything He chooses, then we really can live our lives with a minimum of fear. Think about how much of your day is spent in fear. What could you do with that much time and mental energy every day if you didn't have to deal with fear?!
The last part of the DVD was something I had considered, but I had never heard it put the way that Beth put it. In essence, she said that if our not being healed from some serious disease or our not recovering from a bad car wreck was God's plan for us, that was part of our destiny. We should live that part of our destiny as courageously as we live the rest of our destiny. The Timmons' translation for that is, "If that kind of death is God's destiny for you, do a good job of it!" I've known of situations in which the manner that someone died actually witnessed to other people. How awesome is that!
If you'll think about it, we all should die the way that we're supposed to live--so that God will be glorified. In order to live and die in that manner, we have to get rid of the fear. Praise God, that is truly possible!